So, this is sort of a memoir I'm writing—oh, no, nothing horrible has happened, just that kind of thing people write as a retrospective on their lives. I'm getting in early though. I'm only 27. She's 24, and the love of my life. We've been married five years now—umm, spoilers, I guess? for the story I'm about to tell. So, this is about how I proposed to her, thinking I'd been masterfully stealthy about it—only to have her shock me with a proposal of her own. In retrospect it was hilarious, and endearing.
"Hey, that looks like my kind of rambling tale." And there she is.
"Thanks, you," I turn to kiss her as she leans over my shoulder. "I guess it is a bit scattered."
"A bit—Elsa, you're underselling yourself. Again," that's Anna. "But I gotta say, I think this one's gonna be more fun than the last one, if that nigh—"
"I am not putting my sex life on display in this memoir, thank you very much."
"Prude." But she kisses me again anyway. "I guess mine will just have to be a lesbian sex guide then."
"ANNA!"
"Hah!" She swings me around to face her. "I knew that would get a reaction. But c'mon, you gotta spice it up at least a little. Maybe show them some foreplay."
"You really think…"
She's smiling, shaking her head at me. "Well, at least in the special edition you give me—and only me—a signed copy of with those pictures on the jacket…"
"You are enjoying this far too much, you sun-kissed little imp."
"Oh, so my tan is noticeable then?"
"Only because you haven't bothered putting your bra back on." I leave a pregnant pause. "Since yesterday."
"I didn't hear you complaining about it yesterday…"
"You were also helping me rather… actively… yesterday, as I recall."
"'helping', Elsa, really?" She's just staring at me. "That's the best innuendo you've got?"
"I am trying to write something here, my brain's a little more focused than yours."
"You're right," she finally relented. "I should actually try and help you with this. It might be good to tell a bit from my side."
"In my memoir?" I give her a look of mock indignation.
"Well, then, you have to put in the pillow talk afterwards." I'm not actually opposed to that—it's not going to reveal anything I want to keep private.
"Okay, compromise accepted." I smile up at her. And now she's sitting in my lap, half naked. "And just how do you expect me to work like this?"
"Dictation mode, silly. Just talk about it. We can edit later."
—∞—
We were taking the overlander back to Lofoten—like I've said, I'm kind of sentimental about these old style rail journeys, where the journey is half the fun. It was going to take several days to get from Darmstadt to Lofoten, but neither of us minded. We didn't mind the small cabin we would be sharing either. The line called it 'princess' class, a sleeper with a double bed and a mini-wardrobe opposite the bathroom. My fingertips only just touched the opposite walls.
Anna's fingers twined with mine, slowly bringing my arms back down. "So, have we got everything now?"
"I think so," I pulled her into a quick hug, then started taking a few things from my suitcase for the wardrobe. "We've got a little space in the wardrobe at least."
"I think it'd be a bit—oh, you just mean for the clothes."
I gave her a long suffering look. "Every time; is that all you can think about?"
"Elsa, you know I can't go as long without as you can. Also, we both know I am, in fact, that bold."
I sighed, looking out the window. It was still just the platform at Darmstadt Hauptbahnhof.. "As much as I enjoy your company—clothed or otherwise—I would like to enjoy some of the scenery on my way home."
"Spoilsport. Prude. Stinker." She'd knocked me back against the bed before I realised what was happening. She leaned in close to whisper in my ear. "Later."
She stood back up, smiling far too politely. I really couldn't say anything. I sat up slowly, a little saddened at how quickly her smile vanished. She actually looked concerned.
"I didn't go to far, did I?" She was subtly wringing her hands. A clear sign she was actually worried.
I smiled for her. "Let's just say I wasn't really ready for that."
"Oh, yeah, that makes sense." She gave me a searching look—and I'm sure was also undressing me with her eyes a little. "So what do we do until lunch?"
My turn to smile far too politely. "Well I've got a couple of new books here."
She pouted.
"Which could always wait until later."
She smiled. I helped her put a few things in our mini-wardrobe. For now jeans and t-shirts were fine, because the cabin was pretty well heated. I grabbed a jumper from my suitcase anyway. Anna grabbed a light jacket from hers, and as she did, my little note fell out. She tucked it back down the side of her suitcase automatically. So much for that plan. I had wanted her to find that note early, so I could spring the surprise on her, grab the ring from my bag, and be ready before she could finish reading it all. Then I'd just have to wait for an answer.
We walked hand in hand to the lounge car, sitting next to each other beside one of the windows. Still just showing the Darmstadt Hauptbahnhof. I was glad for the jumper though, wriggling away from Anna just long enough to pull it on. She leaned against me, playing with the turtleneck collar. She played with the pattern knitted into the sleeves and chest as well, fingers tracing the woollen strands. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, and I was glad that we were the only ones here right now.
Anna didn't stop tracing those patterns, even when some guy sat at the other end of the car. It was enough to make me uncomfortable, even if he looked pretty in to whatever it was he was reading. My hand found Anna's and held it gently, forcing her to stop. I pointed surreptitiously to the guy with my free hand. She stopped playing with my jumper. Instead I could feel her arm around my waist. I could also feel her head resting on my shoulder, and hear what sounded suspiciously like some light snoring.
How late were you up packing last night?
I'd helped her to pack. She should have been ready. But I also know she likes to take extras, and remembers random stuff at the last minute. Or maybe she'd packed a few things she didn't want me to see. Given her libido, it's not like I'd scold her for bringing one—or two—along for herself. It's also possible she just didn't want to argue with me about it. Or hadn't even packed them, and was up late doing something else. Playing silly phone games, most likely.
I have to admit it was nice, just lounging around with her dozing against my shoulder. She mumbled something as the train started to move, but didn't wake. I shifted slightly to get more comfortable—my arm was falling asleep—but I didn't much feel like moving. I just wished I could grab my book. Or phone. But she was leaning against my left side, and being a lefty… yeah. In the end I just leaned my head against hers, noting the flowery scent of the shampoo she'd been using, and then I tried to rest.
My mind, of course, had other ideas. Trying to find ways to plant that little note so Anna would 'accidentally' find it. Thinking of ways we might celebrate afterwards. Also thinking idly about dinner, and what to wear out of the limited wardrobe I'd packed for myself. Wondering what Anna might wear, and considering maybe that was the surprise she'd been trying to hide from me by staying up late. I looked at my watch, but it was only getting close to eleven.
We were also about halfway to Kassel, passing through the Vogelsberg Oberwald, snowcapped peaks to the left, alternating forest and farmland to the right. It's not like the cliffs and fjords at home, but it's still beautiful. It's enough to make me a little homesick too, and that's another reason we're heading to Lofoten for the holidays. Plenty of reasons to head home during the longer winter holidays, actually. I still wish my parents were one of them… it's been three years—Anna knows about it—but that doesn't mean it stops hurting.
But having Anna here, softly snoring while she's half-hugging me, helps fill some of that void. She's also told me that my manners and gentleness have really helped her too. When we first met, I'd gotten hints that her ex was abusive. He was. He was also a terrifyingly smart con-man and confidence trickster. Anna didn't talk about it much, but I knew enough to make the connections. We're both in a better place now. Healthier. I'd like to say fitter, too, but I know she'd take that as a come on.
I managed to doze for a little while, until the train pulled into the station at Kassel. I heard an odd snort from beside me, then weird dinosaur-like groans as Anna yawned and stretched. I pulled my arm out from behind her, trying to massage away the pins and needles currently stabbing into me. Okay, I did kind of regret not extricating myself earlier, but she just looked so peaceful.
"We're going to be here for about an hour, did you want to step out for lunch?" It was always good to have options.
"And have you miss a chance to get dressed up for lunch?" She poked her tongue at me.
"Suit and tie then?"
"Oh please, I'm gonna rock this gloriously chic sundress with cleavage down to my… well, you get the idea. Can't say too much with such prudes around."
I facepalmed. "Just because I'm a little reserved and old fashioned, you don't have to mock me for it at every turn."
"I know I shouldn't," she looked chagrined. "But maybe there's something I'm nervous about."
I wondered then if maybe her late night antics had been because she had seen that card. She couldn't know exactly when, of course, but there was a fairly short window for her to figure it out. I smiled for her, rising to head back to our cabin.
"I'll change first, unless you really want to play 'contortionist twister' again."
She gave it some thought, that's for sure. "It's tempting, but I'll pass. Also means I can keep my dress secret a little longer."
"Meet you in the dining car then?"
"I'm going to be waiting outside that door so I can ogle you in that suit, you know."
"And after you do, I should get us a good seat, right?"
I could see several emotions flit across her face. Trepidation and excitement were quite clear. "Please. And maybe order a drink for us."
I changed first, and as I was changing I fished the note out of Anna's suitcase and stuck it very obviously under one corner. I decided on one of my finer selections—of the two I'd packed for the trip—navy blue woollen slacks, a baby blue blouse, and a double-breasted dark navy jacket. I knew Anna liked all those things—and what they went on to. I also changed to a push-up bra, and left the top button of my blouse undone. Fine if she wanted to ogle, and if I blushed for her, well, maybe for the better.
I heard her swallow as I left our cabin. I leaned in close, letting her see down my blouse. Let her have a taste of her own medicine. "I can do it with just one button."
She let out a couple of short breaths, almost like she was psyching herself up for something. She took a more even breath, her eyes level with mine again. "I—you—beautifuller dress-shirt today what am I saying?!"
"That I look nice," I gave her a light slap on the backside. "And that's for calling me 'fuller'." I stuck out my tongue so she'd know I didn't mean it.
She ducked quickly behind the door, and even before it was closed I heard her throwing things out of her suitcase. I figured it would be just my luck for her to accidentally cover the note with a pair of briefs or something. In the end I might have to have resorted to just giving it to her. Or planting it on her the same way she planted it one me when we first met.
The station at Kassel's not much to look at, really. It would have been nice to have had a more picturesque backdrop for lunch, then again, I had a feeling my eyes were far more likely to be watching something other than the landscape. Or my food. I was right. I heard footsteps behind me.
I turned, looking over my shoulder. Then the rest of me turned because I had to take it all in. She hadn't been lying about the cleavage either, putting what she had to good use. Good enough to make me swallow and for my throat to go dry. It hugged her curves like a second skin, and the sheer panels around her decolletage and shoulders did nothing to distract from that. The material was so sheer I could actually see some of her glorious freckles.
Like the first dress I had seen her in, it was green, but that had been so rich as to be almost black. This was a dark forest green, strong, without being too bold, accenting her eyes, and setting off her hair perfectly. Hair she'd taken the time to twist into braided chignon, secured with what looked like hairpins made of amber. I blinked, watching as she walked over, eyeing the riding slit up her left thigh. Almost dangerously high up her thigh. I swallowed again.
She laughed softly as she sat down. "It's like you've never seen me in a dress before."
"You look amazing."
"Thank you," she was smiling at me. "I have to say I like that you left your hair down. I don't see you like that enough."
"Thanks," I was smiling, but possibly at the wrong place. I felt a finger lift my chin.
"Eyes up here," the she leaned in really close, letting me see down her dress anyway. It had to be intentional. She only whispered the next part. "At least, for now, that is."
A waiter politely ahem'd next to our table. "Would the frauleins care to order?"
"We would, thank you," Anna turned to face the waiter. "I'll take hmm… this pasta thing looks interesting. I'll have that. Elsa, you?"
"Something lighter, I think. The toasted BLT."
The waiter left us to our own devices after informing us there would be a wait of 10-15 for the food. I figured we had time to kill, and a lot to talk about. Anna, as it turned out, had a very different idea of what we should be discussing. It started with her opening the little clutch beside her—I hadn't seen it at all, being too preoccupied with the rest of her. The other thing I saw was her taking a very deep breath, steadying hands that had developed an uncharacteristic shake. It wasn't like her to be this nervous around me. Or anyone.
"So… I… I know recently… you've kind of hinted that… or—no, you have. I'm sure… sure of that much. I think I know… you really want us to be closer. A… a lot closer. And it's kind of scary—so that's why I'm nervous right now—but it's also amazing, and I so want to. I so want you. For as long as forever. Oh… wait… the thing…" she slowed down considerably, rummaging in her clutch.
Her hand came up with an unmistakeable sign. I knew, because one of those was sitting in my luggage. Except I'd chosen a dark crimson for hers. I knew the words she was about to say. Also, it would be just like her to do this over lunch, breaking with all sorts of tradition. Only then did my brain catch up to my body and my scattered emotions as to what this meant. I was on the verge of full blown panic when I realised.
"Elsa Vinter…" she was almost holding her breath. "Will you… will you… marry me?"
The panic caught up to me at the wrong moment. "Oh, no…" I know the look of distress I had to have been wearing wouldn't have helped either. Now she looked like she was on the verge of tears, or panic, or just plain dumbstruck.
"No?" And for a moment I hated myself so intensely for doing this to her that I wanted to die. I could see the tears gathering in her eyes. I knew the effort—emotional and otherwise—she had to have put into this. I'd managed to destroy it in about two seconds flat.
"No. Wrong… wait…" The words wouldn't come out right. I was only making things worse.
She sniffled. "It's not a no?"
"No—yes. I can't… I want to… I have to show you." I stood and grabbed her by the wrist. "Show you why." I felt like an idiot. Something just wasn't working in my head at that point. Completely blindsided, and still knocked off balance because she'd offered me everything I'd ever wanted, and somehow I'd said no.
I all but ran to our cabin, Anna barely keeping pace behind me. I didn't want to turn and see those tears. I wanted to kiss them all away—but right now, a tiny rational part of my brain that still worked, told be it would be the worst thing I could do. Instead, holding her hand so tight I was afraid I was crushing it, I led her into our cabin. I knelt down and unzipped her suitcase. I'll never forget that sudden look of betrayal.
I handed her the note.
I'll also never forget how that look turned to one of wonder—I don't want to. I dived into my suitcase, fishing around frantically for the little jewellery box. Yes! I turned to see her just staring at the note. I made a noise and held up my hands, sitting contritely on the floor in front of her. It was suddenly so quiet I could hear her tears finally fall. I looked up. I looked up into the most ridiculous, beatific, self-deprecating and joyous smile I had ever seen.
I missed the hint of mischief in her eyes.
"No…" but it was so long and drawn out. So, so drawn out in incredulity I just knew she had to be acting.
She fell on top of me, pitching me all over our luggage, the bed, and a bit of the wall. I rubbed my elbow and she laughed. We stayed sprawled like that for a while. There was a lot of kissing. I may have had to refasten some buttons that came mysteriously undone.
"You really do mean it?" she asked after we sat up. Each of us rearranged our hair somewhat.
"I wanted to say yes, but you just caught me so off-guard, and then when I realised my own plan had been torpedoed harder than the Bismarck…"
"…you panicked. And almost walked me into the cabin door—you know, I'm meant to be the clumsy, high-energy one here."
"Yes, well, you do resemble that remark."
"Hey!"
I thought about everything we'd just done. Or not done. We'd not so much as looked at each other's rings. I facepalmed. "I just realised we never even looked at the rings. Do you want to make it official, here, just us, and we can be fiancés?"
"No," she shook her head slowly. "I want witnesses. Jealous ones—because who plans on rings for both parties, right?"
"So we're going to turn this disaster around over lunch?"
"Oh, no… this is going to be dessert—well, technically you're going to be dessert, but I'd like some fancy ice-cream and maybe stealing some of your brandy snaps again."
"Over dinner then?"
"I'm sure you had some amazingly elaborate plan. I'd kind of like to see it before I blew it to smithereens right in front of your face."
"I don't deserve you."
Dinner, and after hashing out our plan—or most of it—during the afternoon, we'd both dressed to kill. Luckily, it was an evening for full formal attire in the dining car. The theme was the Roaring Forties. We weren't going to disappoint. We had also known about this evening well before boarding the train, and prepared appropriately. I had thought it would be the ideal time, but I digress.
I was wearing a classic three-piece suit, much like what I'd dressed up in for lunch. Very much lighter though. Ivory dress trousers. A press-white blouse, long sleeves, one hidden pocket. A mahogany stained leather belt, silver buckle. A silk tie, ice blue, with rosemaled snowflakes in white at the tip; Anna had bought it for me some time back, and this seemed like a most appropriate time to wear it. Over all of that was an off-white waistcoat in a very conservative cut.
Anna was much, much bolder, wearing a bold evening dress that showed off a lot of skin, and almost all her freckles. It was a mermaid style dress, not green this time, but a shade of turquoise that almost perfectly matched her eyes. As she moved I saw the colour shift, and I had to blink. There was a subtle iridescence to the fabric, shifting it slightly to the green or blue side of its true colour. It was one of the nicest dresses I remember us picking together.
I looked her in the eyes, not at all embarrassed to have had my eyes wandering—I actually remembered her saying something about that when we first met. I also managed to see her earrings, which looked like emerald, and a fine gold chain around her neck from which hung a lightning bolt. There was a joke about all her energy in there somewhere, but I wasn't going to make it. Humour was normally her suit anyway.
"So," I looked to a table, thinking about her usual appetite. "Dinner first?"
She looked around, noticing the open space at the far end of the dining car, and the vintage music coming through the speakers. "One dance?"
I held out my hand. "I thought you'd never ask."
It's hard to dance with energy in such a small space without hitting walls, tables, or other people. Very hard. I was glad Anna had placed my jacket over a nearby seat before we started. I also felt like the other dancers had seen her antics before. That, or they recognised her exuberant energy. I did not, however, expect to have my toes stepped on quite so much. Work boots would have helped. The spin was just me showing off, catching Anna in my arms as she fell back at the end of it.
I also didn't expect the quiet round of applause. I hadn't thought anyone else would be watching—they'd be too busy dancing themselves. I blushed as Anna tipped me over for a quick bow.
"Thank you, thank you; we're here 'til Thursday." There was a round of laughter at that—it was Saturday evening, and a beautiful non-sequitur.
She turned back to me, breath still a little short. "I think you can take me to dinner now."
"Good," I kissed her on the cheek. "Because my feet are killing me."
"Sorry," she seemed ashamed of something. "I never really could dance properly."
"It's something we can work on together, if you really want." She flopped into the seat opposite me as I sat carefully, stretching my legs in front of me.
"I'm going to have to," she smiled, her cheeks flushed. She whispered the next part. "Especially for our wedding."
We talked idly over dinner, basically stalling between each of us for the big reveal, which we both knew had to be during dessert. There were no sweet nothings—because witnesses—and we kind of just re-hashed a lot of stuff we'd talked about before. Our lives, school, uni, work. Family stuff. I know the conversation bored her, but I also knew she was trying so very hard not to burst with excited energy. I knew, because I felt exactly the same. It seemed to take much longer than usual to get to dessert.
We both reached down and prepared our little jewellery boxes, setting them just next to us, ostensibly hidden by our purses or clutch. Anyone looking from beside us wouldn't know. Someone behind me would assume it was me. Anyone behind Anna would assume it was her. She pointed to a suddenly quiet couple behind me. I saw two singles behind her lose interest in their own conversations. We smiled.
"Elsa Vinter…" she lifted her jewellery box from behind her clutch. Gasps came from the singles watching us.
"Anna Christian…" I reached behind my purse, opening my box for her. A quiet breath from behind me.
"Would you…" she opened her box. A few more people were looking at us now.
"…make me…" it was like the entire world was on mute. Even the rail noise seemed subdued.
"…the happiest…" so many people were watching it was getting uncomfortable. But I had promised her.
"…person…" time seemed to be drawing out, each moment longer than the last.
"…in the world?" We hadn't practised it like this, but my nerves, and her drive to say everything right had done it. We'd said every word in perfect sync.
"You already have." I saw the surprise in her eyes.
We hadn't practised that one. We didn't actually plan on anything to say after our proposals. And being lost in thought for that instant I missed the sudden coiling of her muscles, ready to spring. Really, given her boundless energy, I should have known. I was on the floor, my chair overturned behind me, and an exuberant redhead pressing her chest into mine and almost crushing me with her hug.
"Yes," she was hugging me so tightly, a tremor in her voice. "Yes. Yes. Yes. Every day. Umm… sorry I hugged you so hard."
"No," I wiped away a happy tear. "You're not. You don't have to be. I love all of you—well, maybe not the stepping on my toes while dancing part…"
She laughed, helping me to my feet. There was a mix of applause over the proposal, and some disingenuous mutterings about indecorous behaviour for young women. I didn't care. I had the rest of our lives together to look forward to.
We adjusted various items of clothing, then took out our rings. She went first, showing me a sterling silver band with a woven geometric design that seemed to have definite nordic influences. The gem was something I'd never seen before, a rich, almost electric blue, with subtle flashes of green deep inside when the light caught it just right. It was set in a snowflake arrangement with eighteen much smaller gems. Aquamarine. I held my finger up and turned it in the light.
The refraction made it seem like it was snowing crystal flakes on my finger.
I took the ring I had chosen and placed it on Anna's finger. The band was gold, thin, but set as a double ring. The setting was simple, subdued and practical—so I knew she'd be able to wear it work, or wherever she went. I knew that was something important to her. A moderately large emerald sat in the centre, flanked by two smaller gems. A double row of six tiny peridots worked around the bands, away from the setting. She'd told me long ago that she liked emeralds, and the peridots just helped set the colour off more. She stared at the ring for what seemed like a long time.
She put her hand down, smiling at me. "I hope you didn't plan on sleeping that much tonight."
No. But I didn't say it. I figured we would just sleep through the morning, and then, when we finally woke up—with her appetite hopefully sated—we could start planning the rest of our lives. Together.
—∞—
"Hey, you didn't put in our pillow talk!" I pull my wife down to my level to kiss her. She's actually on top of me on the bed. We found some other advantages to dictation mode.
"I think closing it there just feels nicer."
"You promised…" she's pouting.
"Tell me, what did our pillow talk add to our story?"
"Oh…" she's remembering it properly now. "Oh, yes… we didn't talk about our proposal at all, did we?"
"No, we didn't," I pull her all the way down, on top of me. I've always like the way our bodies fit together. "But I think that's a story for another time."